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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710882">Needing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coneygoil/pseuds/coneygoil'>coneygoil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coneygoil/pseuds/coneygoil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Carol's visits to Daryl in the 6 years he lived in the woods.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This will likely be a 3 part series focusing on a different character's perspective for each part.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part One: The Wildman</strong>
</p><p>She begged him to tell her where he was going. <em>Don’t go. Not where I can’t find you</em> – she’d told him. If he hadn’t looked at her, hadn’t gazed into those blue eyes that he felt himself sink further into at every glance, maybe he could have walked away. Maybe he could have dismissed her plea. But his gaze fixed upon her. Heaven and hell couldn’t break him from her. He knew this was a losing battle, a battle that deep inside his core he wanted to lose.</p><p>He gave her a vicinity of where he was planning to set up camp. He would be alone. In the wilderness. Danger lurking around every tree – alive and dead. No instant communication with what was left of the civilized world.</p><p>His reason – his excuse, really -- was to search for their lost friend – the man he considered a brother, even though they’d come to blows more than a few times. It was his excuse, and though he would search for Rick, he needed to be alone. Too many people had filtered in and out his life since the world decided to die and take everyone with it. Most people were ripped painfully and suddenly from him. The wounds never to truly heal.</p><p>She’d found him after the first few months. He’d set up camp in the general area exactly where he told her he would be, and she’d found him.</p><p>On horseback, Carol moseyed right into his camp. He couldn’t show, not the tingling joy and relief that filled his insides, how happy he was to see her face. He helped her down, and she’d wrapped her arms around him. His breath caught then slowly he exhaled. It felt good to be held by her.</p><p>She stayed for two days.</p><p>They’d hunted together, Carol showing him her quickly improving skills with the bow and arrow. He showed her his method of searching for Rick. During the evening, over a fire and roast of wild game, they talked some but mostly quiet filled the space. Just the company of their presence was enough.</p><p>That’s how their next two visits played out.</p><p>Carol would show up every few months that first year. Every time he heard the hoof falls of her horse, a small smile tugged at his lips.</p><p>She didn’t come for a while. Months passed as Fall turned into Winter and finding a more suitable shelter was necessary. He hoped she wouldn’t make the journey, not in the freezing conditions. She didn’t.</p><p>As soon as the snow began to melt and spring leaves were beginning to bud, he found her waiting for him at the camp one evening when he returned from his daily wanderings. They’d caught up with all the happenings of their limited world.</p><p>“I worried about you every day during the harshest snowfalls,” she confessed.</p><p>He assured her he was fine. He knew how to survive. She had all the confidence in his ability, but it didn’t stop her from worrying.</p><p>She stayed with him for four days.</p><p>She insisted on giving him a haircut, and he complied because it was <em>her</em> and he’d give her just about anything within his power. Her hair was growing.</p><p>“I like it,” he dared to finger a lock of her hair that hung over her ear.</p><p>He caught the blush upon her cheeks. He let his finger linger there wrapped around her hair a little longer than he intended.</p><p>She didn’t return again until early Fall.</p><p>There was something off with her. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She apologized for not coming sooner. Happenings at the Kingdom had taken her time. They needed her there. They needed their “Queen” as she remarked with the roll of her eyes for the title.</p><p>That evening as they sat together in front of the campfire, she scooted against him and slid her arm through his. Her head found his shoulder and he let her. That’s how they remained until Carol had nearly drifting off to sleep.</p><p>He relished it. The closeness of her against him. It was in moments like these he didn’t want to be alone. He wanted her there. He missed his people – his friends turned family. But goodness, he missed her most of all. He’d be more than content if she stayed with him in the woods the rest of their days. But she held responsibilities. She held a position that held up a community. She was a mother to a boy and a wife to a man that was <em>not</em> him. They deserved her. They needed her. He had to live with that.</p><p>There was a certain hesitance to her departure for this visit. She’d hugged him a little longer than usual, clinging to him almost. She’d kissed his forehead, telling him he was welcome to visit her at the Kingdom. He wondered if she kept watch for him. If she waited for the news that he was at her doorstep.</p><p>She wouldn’t visit again until next year.</p><p>As soon as she arrived, he whisked her away on a mission. Not wishing to leave the horse to certain doom alone at his camp, they mounted up. Sometimes they rode together, other times they both walked as Carol led the horse. They were gone three days, setting up camp instead of finding shelter.</p><p>He insisted on keeping watch for the night. Sleep was always a distance away for him. He could live on very little sleep. But she had insisted he lay down – try to get some sleep. They’d be okay.</p><p>He laid on his palette that she’d spread for him. He took note how close her own palette was to his. In the darkness of the woods, she’d asked him for something he had only imagined in the haze of the sleeping world.</p><p>“Hold me.”</p><p>At first, he wasn’t sure if he was imagining the request. The silhouette of her profile looked over her shoulder at him and he knew he wasn’t hearing things. He hesitated only a second longer before wrapping an arm around her waist. She scooted back against his chest, careful to let that be the only part of her flush with him. It was even better than what his mind could conjure.</p><p>He slept…the best sleep he’d had in years. When he awoke, she was up already and he berated himself for missing those last moments of her against him.</p><p>She didn’t ask him the next night. But he laid close to her, just in case. He knew it was stupid – to wish he could have her like that again. The pressure of her back against his chest. The curve of her waist where he rested his forearm. His fingers tucked where her side and the ground met.</p><p>The next night, he kept watch instead of lying down. His whole body trembled with unquenched thirst, and he didn’t trust himself to be beside her. So, he kept watch and he watched her sleep.</p><p>And after the mission, she was gone and he was alone and all that remained of her was that night she’d requested his embrace.</p><p>She didn’t return for another year.</p><p>“You got a dog!” Carol proclaimed as his dog greeted her. The smile on her lips warmed him like the sun. “What’s its name?”</p><p>“Dog,” he answered because what else would he call it?</p><p>“That’s not a name,” she scoffed his way as she gave Dog his fill of pets. “We don’t go around calling a person ‘<em>Human</em>’.”</p><p>He shrugged and she laughed. Her smile reached her eyes. He was struck by how deeply he’d missed that smile.</p><p>She stayed with him an entire week…the longest she’d ever had before.</p><p>The Kingdom had a year of abundance. She’d brought him extra supplies of what she felt he needed. He soaked up every ounce of her presence. He felt lighter than he had in a very long time.</p><p>Her hair was down to her waist now. He dared to finger it like he had a few years prior when it was only passed her earlobe. She let him play with the lock, twirling it around his finger a few times before releasing it. She returned the favor, combing fingers through his hair as they watched the campfire crackle.</p><p>He’d never refuse her touch.</p><p>Out of all her visits, this was the one he’d enjoyed the most. It was also the hardest when she reminded him that she must return to the Kingdom.</p><p>That last evening around the campfire, she’d pushed to her feet to go settle into her tent. She’d paused, hovering over him. He looked up at the brush of her fingertips on his temple, swiping away his shaggy bangs. She leaned down, and it took every bit of strength to not shiver at the press of her lips on his forehead. His muscles twitched, begging him to wrap his arms around her waist. If he got his hands on her, he wouldn’t have the willpower to let her go.</p><p>He paced around the campsite. His eyes drawn to her tent like a bug mesmerized by a light. He needed her or he would implode right there in the middle of the woods.</p><p>He found himself at the entrance of her tent. His hand trembled to open the flap. If she allowed him inside, there was no going back. He’d claim her and she’d willingly let him.</p><p>Living in the woods…exposed to the elements and to the dangers of ending up a meal for the undead…that wasn’t the life he wished for her. She deserved a home. She deserved to be safe.</p><p>She had a son who needed his mother, and she needed the boy just as badly. He could take her away from her husband – the fairy tale that she’d allowed herself to be swept into. But, he couldn’t do that to the boy. There were bigger factors in play than his unquenched need for her. He could wait a little longer. He had years of practice waiting on her, though it seemed to be harder to let her go with each visit.</p><p>With that resolve, he walked away from her tent and wallow in his drowning desire for what he couldn’t have.</p><p>He wouldn’t hear the sound of her voice for almost two years, and this time, she wasn’t alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Queen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>The Queen</i>
</p>
<p>He was leaving. Disappearing into woods. In all honestly, he was running away.</p>
<p>The war. The peacemaking. The building and rebuilding. All of that had boiled over and caught fire. Losing Rick was the last straw and it’d broken Daryl to the point where he had to run away.</p>
<p>She pleaded with him…because she couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t bare a day without him somewhere close where she could find him.</p>
<p>She’d taken for granted that he’d always be there. They’d lost each other before, but they’d found their way back – one way or another. She’d disappeared more than once, and he’d found her. She could still hear – still feel it piercing her soul -- the tremor in his voice when he showed up on the porch of the house she vowed to live in in solitude. She understood, now, how it must have torn him up inside all  those times she left. Now she was on the receiving end and the pang in her heart was almost unbearable.</p>
<p>She pleaded and his resolved caved – she could see it visible on his face as it melted away.</p>
<p>There was a budding giddiness the first time she journeyed to visit him. She didn’t understand why the giddiness bubbled up inside her as she skimmed the area he promised he would reside in. As soon as she found him, she knew it was because she’d have him all to herself. No one was there to take their attention from each other – the minor distraction of stray walkers the only thing they had to endure.</p>
<p>Ezekiel had worried for her venturing off alone, though he knew full well she could take care of herself. Because of his worry and her concern that it may influence Henry to worry as well, she gave Ezekiel the direction of where she was journeying. He was the only one who knew.</p>
<p>She remained with Daryl for two days.</p>
<p>She promised to return, and she did as soon as she could. She didn’t expect the giddiness to bubble up again, but her breath hitched when she laid eyes on him. She wondered how she could ever have lived without him before.</p>
<p>There were periods when being the “Queen” of the Kingdom overwhelmed her. For what their relationship was, she enjoyed being with Ezekiel, but she needed time away from him and the bustle of the growing community. Stealing those days of escape to a place where she could bask in the slow pace and quiet way of life…even for a few days.</p>
<p>She was well skilled with a gun and a knife, but she’d never tried her hand with a bow and arrow. Little tinges of excitement sparked through her when she showed Daryl her new skill.</p>
<p>“Do I meet Mr. Crossbow’s approval?” she teased after a round of taking out approaching walkers. She’d nailed each one on the first go.</p>
<p>“Not bad,” he’d casually remarked.</p>
<p>She threw him a glare.</p>
<p>“Ya done good,” he added as he passed her to retrieve their arrows. She caught the hint of amusement tugging at his lips.</p>
<p>The Winter had been especially harsh. There were days she’d stand outside on the balcony of one of the buildings facing the gate, bundled up in layers to keep from freezing, watching and waiting for him to seek shelter at the Kingdom. Her hope faded every day that the snow descended from the heavens covering the ground in a white blanket.</p>
<p>He hadn’t sought shelter at the Kingdom, and her concern for him weighted upon her shoulders all Winter long.</p>
<p>As soon as the snow melted and the biting cold blew away enough to only be a nip, she journeyed to his camp. Her heart leapt into her throat and her eyes dampened at the sight of his back upon approaching the camp.</p>
<p>“What took ya so long?” he growled, but when he turned, his relief shown through.</p>
<p>She threw her arms around his neck and held him. It was hard to let go. She checked him over, assuring herself that all his fingers were in tack.</p>
<p>She stayed with him for four days.</p>
<p>“You won’t see a walker sneaking up on you with all that hair in your face!” she teased in mock concern. She could tell Daryl hadn’t so much as bothered to comb his hair out of his face with his fingers probably the entire winter.</p>
<p>She smirked his way, tilting her head slightly. “Are you going for the Sasquatch look?”</p>
<p>“Stahp,” he growled, but she knew he secretly enjoyed the teasing. That’s why she still called him ‘Pookie’ from time to time.</p>
<p>He allowed her to cut his hair. As far as she knew, she was the only person on the planet that had permission to touch his hair, let alone take a knife or razor so close to his face and neck. That was a trust Carol was proud she had earned from him.</p>
<p>Daryl had always kept a layer of grim about him, but his hair – surprisingly -- wasn’t oily or greasy. Carol indulged combing her fingers through it after the haircut.</p>
<p>Her hair had begun to grow out. The Kingdom was the first place she’d ever felt a sense of true safety. Ezekiel was a good man that took care of her. She knew he would never hurt her in any fashion or form. With her newfound peace of mind, she’d grown her hair out for the first time in a decade. The growing locks had taken some getting used to, but the different look felt invigorating.</p>
<p>Her breath caught somewhere in her throat when Daryl reached out to fiddle with a lock of hair close to her ear. He’d touched her hair before, many times before…pressed his palm against the back of her head when they’d hugged or he checked her over. But, this? His finger wrapping around a single lock of hair felt more intimate than any other time he’d touched her hair. It made her heart pick up pace in ways she assumed had faded ever since she married Ezekiel.</p>
<p>The time Daryl’s finger twirled her hair lasted several seconds and yet felt like hours, and Carol’s heart sunk a little in disappointment when he dropped his hand.</p>
<p>She had every intention of visiting him during the summer. She envisioned them traipsing about the woods, cooling their feet in the river nearby Daryl’s camp. She planned to bake for him and bring the goods with her for a treat. But, she couldn’t leave—</p>
<p>There were happenings in the Kingdom that needed her attention. Ezekiel proclaimed the people needed their “Queen” -- that <em>he</em> needed his queen by his side. Though, she took seriously the responsibility that had been placed upon her shoulders, there were days when it weighed her down.</p>
<p>She’d been in her and Ezekiel’s bedroom, rocking absentmindedly in the glider rocker that they’d acquired from who-knows-where. She stared off into the dimness of the room, her mind flittering from one thing to another and then to Daryl and the missed opportunity to see him.</p>
<p>Footsteps crept up on her, quiet-like, and her eyes glanced over to see Henry hesitantly entering the room. He was growing like a weed and it made her heart clench at how fast her boy was becoming a young man. She cracked a smile his way and beckoned him to her.</p>
<p>Henry sat down at her feet, folding his arms on her lap. “Mom, are you okay?”</p>
<p>She soothed her palm over his hair. “I’m fine, honey.”</p>
<p>“You just—” Henry bit his bottom lip in contemplation. “You look sad. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go see Daryl.”</p>
<p>Henry knew. It was no secret, between their little family, where Carol ventured to on her trips alone. Henry knew a little bit about Daryl and her friendship with him. He’d seen how close they were, even as a younger boy helping out with the failed bridge project. She’d called Daryl her <em>best friend</em>, and Henry took that to heart, knowing how much Daryl meant to her.</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” She didn’t want her son to worry about her. “I’m planning to go see him in the Fall, hopefully if things around here calm down.”</p>
<p>Thankfully, the issues of Kingdom were set right again and their <em>Queen</em> could steal a few days to herself at the beginning of Fall.</p>
<p>The weight of responsibility had dragged her down and she could feel it on her face as she offered Daryl a soft smile. She was tired -- physically and emotionally. He must have sensed her weariness. He’d been soft with her and accommodating…more than usual. She always cooked for him on her visits, but he’d killed a rabbit and cooked up a stew, dished it out for her.</p>
<p>Daryl stoked the fire. Warmth enveloped her, wrapping around her like a blanket and sinking into her bones – chasing away the chill of the night air. He sat beside her…close enough for her to lean against him and share the warmth. The calmness of the night lulled her into a soothing haze that reduced her to floating on a cloud. She looped her arm through his and her head found his shoulder.</p>
<p>It wasn’t the first time she’d snuggled against him, but as they remained there beside the campfire, the night carried on and the moon spanning slowly across the inky sky – she drifted off to a place far from the woods, far from the world they carried on through.</p>
<p>She stayed close to him for the remainder of the visit – closer than she had any other visit. The longer she was there, the lighter her load seemed to become. She could feel her entire face express her contentment. Daryl reflected her lighter mood, returning little smiles back at her whenever their eyes met.</p>
<p>When she packed to leave five days later, she had to control the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes. This was the hardest goodbye so far. She drew him against her, a shuttering breath huffing into his shoulder as she nuzzled her face there. She pressed her lips to his forehead, lingering there against his warm skin.</p>
<p>She would not return until the next year.</p>
<p>When she rode up to his camp, Daryl was set to leave on mission and whisked her away – not even bothering to ask if she wished to join him. Of course, she did, and they both rode horseback until Daryl spotted the area where he began to track. He offered vague details as to what he was searching for and in a way, Carol felt he was falling right into a rabbit hole.</p>
<p>They’d set up camp for the night, too far from Daryl’s own campsite to make it back. Maybe it was the solitude of the woods or a certain boldness that built up inside her, but Carol had laid their palettes close together. When Daryl had finally settled onto his palette for the night – satisfied with the alarm system he set up – Carol could barely stop the words that tumbled from her mouth.</p>
<p>“Hold me.”</p>
<p>She chanced a glance over her shoulder, though she could barely see any of him through the dark surrounding them. Her heart choked her throat as she waited for his response. Had she stepped over the delicate, unspoken boundary that existed between them? She nearly jumped as his arm wrapped around her middle. Her eyes shut tight, the breath she’d held in finally exhaling through her parted lips.</p>
<p>The safety of the Kingdom, knowing she could let her guard down as she laid beside Ezekiel was a comfort she had never truly felt. But, this? Daryl pressed against her back, his arm securely around her…a different sort of comfort overcame and overwhelmed her. It was a comfort she’d longed for, like everything was right in the world for just this short amount of time.</p>
<p>She slept one of the best sleeps she ever had, even though they were outdoors exposed to the vicious dangers of the world they now knew. Her dreams drifted through spaces occupied by the presence of her best friend, a life that hung just out of her grasp.</p>
<p>She traveled through the warm haze that engulfed her to awake to Daryl’s arm hanging loosely around her. If she remained there, lying next to him, she wouldn’t be able to stop what her entire body and mind was screaming to do – to stay with him, never leave his side.</p>
<p>She carefully untangled herself from the temptation of him. She didn’t ask him to hold her again.</p>
<p>She would not return until the next year.</p>
<p>“You have a dog!” she proclaimed when she arrived.</p>
<p>The dog had growled at her approached, but when Daryl clicked his tongue at it, the dog bounded to her with its tail wagging. When she asked for the dog’s name and received the answer, she’d scoffed and rolled her eyes. It’s name was <em>Dog</em>. Typical. But, her mood was light and she was happy to see her best friend. She could feel the high spirits emulate from her.</p>
<p>She’d come bearing a load of supplies. Daryl helped unload them and store them in a place out of the elements.</p>
<p>She stayed with him an entire week.</p>
<p>They fell into a pleasant routine, a routine so natural that it felt like she’d lived there all the years Daryl had isolated himself out in the woods. Every evening they occupied the campfire, soaking up the warmth of the fire and each other. Somewhere during their time of quiet, their hands would seek out the other’s hair to play with. Her hair cascaded down her back now and Daryl’s fingers twirled and fiddled with the ends. She’d reach up and comb her fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>And she wondered, how did they become this? How could they live without each other while they weren’t within each other’s presence?</p>
<p>She told herself she wouldn’t fall into the temptation. She had a husband and a son who needed her. That there was no way Daryl ever wanted her for more than their companionship. Somewhere during the visit, she had lost that fight and let her heart take control instead of her rational thinking the last night of her stay.</p>
<p>She stood, hovering over him for a moment. She tenderly brushed his bangs to the side and bent down, pressing her lips to his forehead. She’d kissed his forehead many times before. But, this? She meant for it to last. She recorded how his skin felt upon her lips. When she finally gathered what she needed, she left him there to stew over an action that she hoped spoke clearer than words.</p>
<p>She laid awake for a long time in her tent. She touched her lips, recalling the kiss to his forehead over and over so she wouldn’t forget it. She froze at the silhouette that appeared at her tent. Daryl stood there, and from what she could make out, his hand was raised. She held her breath, waiting and hoping.</p>
<p>Her ears picked up an outtake of breath from him, almost a low growl of frustration. And then, his silhouette drifted away. She shut her eyes tight, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. Her lungs finally caught up with her brain and she dragged in and out a ragged breath.</p>
<p>He’d stood there outside of her tent, a breath away from entering…but now he was gone.</p>
<p>She wouldn’t make the journey again for almost 2 years, and she wouldn’t be alone.</p>
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